Simultaneous Sadness and Joy

This past weekend I took my two daughters, Julienne and Maggie, to the BYU Spectacular at the Marriott Center on the Brigham Young University campus. There are multiple performers at the BYU Spectacular and this year it looked like it would be a great show with Colbie Calliat, David Archuleta, and Vocal Point all singing.   It’s Julienne’s birthday next Tuesday, and since she is a huge David Archuleta fan, I had bought the tickets for her birthday, thinking it would be a lot of fun for us three to go together while I was in Utah on business.  Also performing were the Cougarettes, Living Legends, Young Ambassadors, Syncopation, Synthesis and Women’s Chorus.

Now I am generally not real interested in dance and ballet type performances, and during the show, while the Cougarettes were doing some type of dance number, I started thinking of how I miss when Julienne and Maggie were younger and living with us at home. I started getting really sentimental and tears started coming.  There I was, sitting next to my two daughters, now adults, experiencing joy by being together with them, and yet I was somewhat sad and missed when they were little. Every now and then, I have experienced sadness and joy at the same time. It’s an odd juxtaposition. How could I miss my daughters who were literally seated on either side of me?  But there I was, wiping tears during this ballet-type dance, appearing as though the dance had moved me to tears.  (It was nice Cougarettes, just not something that I find moving to the point of tears.)

It was a real memorable night. The music was great. Both Colbie Calliat and David Archuleta were very good. David Archuleta’s vocal talent is really remarkable. We also had a lot of fun as we played “Car DJ” and took turns picking songs to listen to and sing with during our drive from Provo to Logan to take them back to USU. I was proud of them for picking some really good songs. We sang songs from The Thompson Twins, The Church, Tears for Fears, Aha, The Killers, Cake, Dexy’s Midnight Runners, Abba, Styx, Muse, David Bowie, Boston, Oingo Boingo, The Postal Service, and of course, we had to loudly sing Bohemian Rhapsody, by Queen.

Being a parent is really an amazing experience. I love having adult children. They bring me a lot of joy and it’s fun to be with them. It’s rewarding to see them at Utah State University, being independent, learning things and developing talents. There is that part of me that misses laying on the couch with them when they were little, asleep on my chest, their little hand wrapped around my finger.  I miss that. What a treasure those memories are. Our youngest child, Xavier, is now 6 years old. Now and then I still get that a bit with him, but he is mostly past that stage… at least with Dad. (He still cuddles with Mom.) I love being a dad. So, someday if you see me wiping a tear during an odd moment, I might just be reminiscing about something, and not necessarily moved by the dance routine I’m watching.